A DOG NAMED S*X
Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Boy.” I call mine “S*x.” He’s a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for S*x. He said, “I’d like one too!”
Then, I said, “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then, I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had S*x since I was 9 years old.” He winked and said, “You must have been quite a kid.”
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for S*x.
He said, “You don’t need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don’t care what you do.” I said, “Look, you don’t seem to understand. S*x keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Funny — I have the same problem.”
One day, I entered S*x in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have S*x in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have S*x on TV.” He said, “Now that cable is all over the place, it’s no big deal anymore.”
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your honor, I had S*x before I was married.” The judge said, “The courtroom isn’t a confessional. Stick to the case, please.”
Then, I told him that after I was married, S*x left me. He said, “Me too.”
Last night, S*x ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I told him that I was looking for S*x. My case comes up Friday.