Getting Divorced!

Getting Divorced !

Getting -Divorced

A man in California calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. “Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Dallas and tell her.” Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,” She calls California immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own way.:)

 

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Playing Trains

Playing Trains

Playing -Trains

Playing Trains

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying,
‘All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, ’cause this is the last stop. And all you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your arses in the train, ’cause we’re going down the tracks.’

The horrified mother went in and told her son,
‘We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.’

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
‘All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.’

She hears the little boy continue
‘For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.’

As the mother began to smile, the child added,
‘For those of you who are pissed off about the two-hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.’

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