Jokes Adult

Forrest Gump Dies and goes to Heaven.

Forrest Gump Dies and goes to Heaven.

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance exam for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It shore is good to be here, Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams Shore hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.

Saint Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forrest. But, the test I have has only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God’s first name?”

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. Forrest returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”

Forrest says, “Well, the first one, how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one’s easy; that’d be Today and Tomorrow.

The saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaims, “Forrest! That’s not what I was thinking, but… you do have a point though, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I give you credit for that answer.” “How about the next one?” says Saint Peter, “How many seconds in a year?”

“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest. “But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Astounded, Saint Peter says, “Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forrest says, “Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second…….”

“Hold it,” interrupts Saint Peter. “I see where you’re going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind. I’ll give you credit for that one too.”

“Let’s go on with the next and final question.” says Saint Peter, “Can you tell me God’s first name?”

Forrest says, “Well, shore, I know God’s first name. Everybody knows it. It’s Howard.”

“Howard?!” asks Saint Peter. “What makes you think it’s Howard?!”

Forrest answers, “It’s in the prayer.”

“The prayer?” asks Saint Peter, “Which prayer?”

“You know, The Lord’s Prayer,” responds Forrest: “Our Father, which art in Heaven, Howard be thy name……” :)

Forrest -Gump-- Dies- and -goes- to- Heaven.

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Twin Biddies!

Twin Biddies! 

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke’s Nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa.
The deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!”, said the other.
“Now get a little closer together”, said the cameraman. Again “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE”.
So, they wiggled up close to each other.
“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer.
Yet again – “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?”

Twin -Biddies

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