Pets

Talking Dog.

Talking Dog.

Talking -Dog

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the first semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents had given him for school.

Then he gets an idea.

He calls his Redneck father.

“Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!”

“That’s absolutely amazing!” his father says. “How do I get him in that program?”

“Just send him down here with $1000,” the boy says, “I’ll get him into the course.”

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out.

The boy calls his father again.

“So how’s Fido doing, son?” his father asks.
“Awesome, dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this, they’ve had such good results with this program, that they’ve implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!”

“READ!?” says his father, “No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?”

“Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.

His father sends the money.

The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home, his father is all excited… “Where’s Fido? I just can’t wait to see him talk and read something!”

“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked: “Is your daddy still cheating on your mama and messing’ around with that cute little redhead next door?”

The father says, “I hope you SHOT that damn dog”.

“I sure did, Dad!” “I sure did!”

“That’s my Boy!”

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Cat Heaven

Cat Heaven 

Cat- Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat “you lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know”.

The cat thinks for a moment and says “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”

The Lord stops the cat and says “say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?”

The Lord says “say no more” and fits each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you are here?”

The cat stretches and yawns and replies “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels you have been sending by are the best!!!” :)

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